I have no idea how much I weight right now. I'm going to weight myself on Friday. So I can see whether I have lost or gained weight, or if my weight has stayed as is. I have been eating less, but more, meaning, I've been eating small amounts of food, every four hours. I have been drinking lots of tea, Green tea and mint, and other varity of teas. I haven't had any hard candies today, but compared to other things hard candies aren't that bad. Calorie wise that is. I had some chocolate for lunch, but then I didn't have anything else, well I had a green apple. All in all I think I'm doing a good job, I know I can do better. Its just a working process.

Starting from right now I am on a new life style plan. I know this is old news because I always say that and then Ith go and ruin everything, but not this time this time it is going to be different. I did some workouts early this afternoon, and then I ate and ruined everything, that is never a good thing, so right now I am having Green Tea because its a fat burner, and then I'm going to do some more workouts. Sense I don't have a treadmill or weights I have to rely on my own body, which is never a bad thing.

I weigh a hundred and forty pounds that is my starting point. I am sure I have gained weight sense I have got here a week ago. I don't know if that's true or not, as I didn't know how much I weighed when I got here, all I know is that I weight 140 pounds right now.

For the most part I have been drinking more tea and water and eating less. Now I need to combine that with working out, and I am sure the pounds will melt off. Anyway, I am still waiting to get the running shoes. I might just have to wait till I go to the mall again. I have plans to go this week god willing. In the mean time I'm just going to go on the treadmill for fifty minutes a day, that's two hundred calories burned, and then about twenty minutes weight lifting, and three thousand jump rope repetions. I don't know how many calories I would burn in total. But I am sure a lot. And sense I am eating very little food throughout the entire day, I am sure to lose weight. Yesterday, I just had one meal, and today, I am doing a liquid fast, I started it off with two to three cups of Green tea. Last night, I had eight cups of green tea. This morning I lost count of how many cups I had, because I used the same tea bag, and forgot how many times I used it. My problem is that when I eat a lot, I workout a lot, so it balances out. And then when I lower my calories, I don't workout as much, I find that I get lazy. Which is wrong, because in order to lose weight I need to burn more calories then I consume, thus I need to eat less and workout more. I want to look in the mirror, and think and see that I am thin enough. I want to fit into all of my tiny clothes. I want to feel good about my body. I want to feel confident, I feel that my confidence is tied in with how much I weight. Or for the time being what size I can fit into. I don't have a scale. So I don;t know how much I weight. I am sure I probably weigh more then what I am thinking, and thus I am sure, if I get a scale, I will just starve and workout. But that's what I should be doing anyway. Well I started phase one at least, now I just need to add it phase two, while contiuing with phase one.

Getting back on track.

Today I just had some peanut butter, an apple, and three tea biscuits. I don't know how many calorie's I took in. Before I had anything to eat, I had about four cups of tea. I haven't done any working out. Which I admit isn't a good thing, I need to go back to working out. Starting out with the weights, because it's simple, and you see results in a short amount of time, as long as you stick with it. That is my major problem. I start on something, and I stay on track workout wise for a while, but then I stop. But that needs to stop, I need to keep on track everyday. I need to push myself every day.

I didn't anything at all yesterday, and only had some chicken later, and cucumbers, and some bread----to break my fast. Right now I still feel full, even though, I ate, at ten last night. I didn't work out or anything, but that's okay, I have this whole week to workout, so it will all balance out. There are days where I feel motivated, and then there are days were I don't feel the least bit motivated. Without the option of watching television while working out, as a way of inspiring myself, I am going to have to push myself, to workout longer, and to stay on the treadmill, or at least go on muliple times in a day, to burn more calories in total.

I only had four hot dogs which is a step up from having the whole pack of hot dogs----they are my one weakness, especially the smoked hot dogs. So that's Good, I had a olive oil, tomato, and thyme sandwich with mint---it sounds strange but it tastes fanatastic---or at least I think so. And for supper which I'm currently having, I'm drinking ice cold juice. Tomorrow I plan on going back on the treadmill for twenty minutes, and then doing other workouts.

I woke up this morning at six in the morning, and the first thing I did was go on the treadmill for twenty minutes, then I did a total of twenty minutes of other workouts, and then I took a shower. I don't know exactly how many calories I burnt in total, but I do know that I burned some calories, and I am happy, that I burnt them before I ate breakfast this morning. Later I plan on doing some more workouts, the standing variety of workouts. I don't know what I'll eat later, I'm thinking of having some salad, and I might make some chicken to eat with the salad, or I might just have the salad on its own. Yesterday, I had about ten cups of Green Tea, I am planning on doing the same today. I haven't had any Green tea as of yet. I had two cups of black tea with Breakfast this morning. I know that black tea, is a great fat burner, so its a good thing that I always drink it with my meals, and after my meals. Okay not always, but I am going to get into that habit. I had this strange craving for cheese----I just couldn't get enough of it yesterday, and I ended up consuming the last of the cheese that we had. So now we don't have any more cheese, and so I guess that's another good thing. On a happy note, I didn't have any bread or chicken with the cheese, I just ate the cheese alone.

I had about four cups of Green tea so far. I am planning on having four more cups. I didn't go on the treadmill today. But I plan on going back on Saturday. I'm going to handwash, some more clothes tomorrow, and so I'll burn calories that way. I plan on just eating salad tomorrow, I made a big bowl of salad on Wendsday. I didn't do so bad for supper. I know I wasn't planning on having anything to eat, because I had chicken, and salad earlier, but then I found myself, really, hungry, and so I had myself, some Zucchini, at least I had some Green tea before hand, and I am planning on having some Green tea soon. I really need to fast one of these days. Actually I think tomorrow would be perfect, or maybe next week. Anyway, what else is there? Oh yeah, everytime my husband tells me that I've gained weight, it makes me, want to go to the kitchen, and clean out the cupboards, not by eating the food, but by giving the food away. I hate it when he tells me that I've gained weight, and then tells me not to get angry. Well what else am I supposed to feel, when someone that I love tells me that I have gained weight. I know he means well. I know that he only tells me that I've put on some weight so that I can watch what I eat. My control, which mostly invovles weight loss-----most includes, me working out ALL day long, and starving myself, for the most part. He just doesn't understand just how tiring losing weight is, and then how fastly the weight comes back on, when I decide to actually eat something. Because I have such low will power. There was a time, where I could just have coffee all day long, and not eat. I know that I can do it. I can workout like mad, starve, so that I can lose weight. So what if I potentially ruin my chances of ever having children. Why would I want to have children anyway? I would make a terrible mother. I don't know this for sure, but what's the point of working my ass off, to lose weight only to gain it, because of a baby. Not that all women who have babies end up fat. Because there are a lot of thin mothers out there, who have more then one child. But I just think that if I struggle so much with my weight now, then I'm really going to struggle after I have a baby----if I ever have a baby. Anyway, that's beyond the topic, I started writing about. Right now, I just want to lose weight. Because I just feel so fat, and then I want a scale, I don't know how much I weight. And knowing my weight, if it's high, always jump starts my weight loss efforts. Actually no I don't need a scale to jump start my weight loss efforts, I have already done that. I know I can do it. I sound like a fat ass right now. I guess that sense that's what I see when I look in the mirror then it must be true. I wish that I could feel good about my body. I wish that on the days I feel like I've lost weight, because my clothes are fitting a little loser, that someone would tell me that I've lost weight, instead of "She's fat." when I'm in the same room, or "You've gained weight, but don't get angry." Seriously how else am I supposed to react when someone tells me that I've lost weight. People say, that you can trust that you've lost weight, by the way your clothes fit you. I however, cannot believe that. Once we were visiting, I was about eighteen years old, and could easily feet into a preteen size pair of jeans, and I was told that I was fat. That made me feel so bad, because I had left the house--apartment, feeling so good about myself. Really, when I look in the mirror, I no longer see a thin person staring back at me, I see a fat person. I guess it all started from that one time, I used to beleive that I was skinny----after a long time, of beleiving in the back of my head that I was fat, and then my mom, goes, and tells me that I'm not skinny, and so from that day, I just couldn't see myself as skinny, and judging from the times, I have thought myself to be skinny and have been told otherwise, I've decided that I can no longer trust myself, when it comes to my weight. So in other words, if someone tells me that I've lost weight then it must be true, and the same thing goes if they tell me that I've gained weight. Being told that you are fat, or that you have gained weight, is the worse feeling ever. I really don't understand how I gained weight. I didn't even over eat that week. I need to start drinking green tea with Breakfast. I am hoping that weight lifting----five pound weights on a semi daily basis, will help to build muslce and thus help me, to lose weight.

This morning, I had some chicken, which I cooked on the stove---in a pan of course----no oil or anything. I had some salad to go with that, and just a little bit of bread. Next time I should have it sans bread-----to cut down on the calories. I'm not sure how many calories I took in this morning. Which is why I am only going to have salad throughout the day----food wise. And drink wise, I'm just going to have water, tea, and maybe some cappichino----unsure about that one---and actually no that wouldn't be a good idea. I need to workout, before I treat myself to a new look. Well as new of a look as I can manage. Well sense today its Thursday----my laundry day-------my workout will include hand washing clothes. Though, I am thinking of working out on the treadmill, during, The Biggest Loser. Which comes on a five over here, so I have get my laundry done before then. Right now I'm drinking hot black tea, later I should have some Green tea. Coffee tastes horrible to me thesedays----(which is weird because I love Coffee)

I haven't been on the treadmill yet. But I have worked out with my weights. So that is a good thing. Considering I've only had vegetables, some cheese, and some bread and some crackers, three crackers to be exact. and that was just at five this morning. I don't know if I will be going on the treadmill tonight or later today. It's possible that I could go on at five while watching Doctor Oz. I like having something to watch while I'm working out on the treadmill. My planis to stay on for thirty whole minutes, without getting off, at a speed of eight point seven. Yes I have changed the speed yet again. But this time I am keeping it at that speed. Now if I don't go on the treadmill. I'll do some other sort of workout.

I went on the treadmill for thirty minutes, I only stayed on for twenty minutes, and then I took a break, went back on, contiued till two minutes, and took another break. in all I burnt 124 calories. I am wondering how many calories I would be able to burn had I not taking any breaks. I'll try that tomorrow. Later, I worked out with some weights, I did two workouts, two hundred repetions each.

So far I have had about four tomato's two of which I cooked on the stove, in a pan of course, and two small beef burger patties, for protien, I need energy for the treadmill, which so far has been going well. I am pushing myself to stay on for as long as it takes me to burn a hundred calories. I still have a lot of work that I need to do. I also had some cheese, but I burnt it in the microwave, so I just had a few bites, of whatever I could salvage. I have learned that I like the taste of burnt cheese, way better then unburnt cheese, I'm just weird like that.

I just finished preparing some carrots to boil. I don't like eating fresh carrots, which is why I always cook them. Whether or not cooking them, effects thier nutrional value doesn't really matter to me. I don't think that cooking them will cause any damage. After all people cook frozen vegetables all the time.

Small update: I went on the treadmill for twenty two minutes and some seconds, burning 100 calories. Seeing that I haven't had anything to eat yet. Sense 12 pm yesterday, I think that is good. I just have two other forms of workouts and I'll be completely done for the day. My feet are aching, my legs ache, but I know in the end its going to be worth it. I just have to keep up with it. I have to make sure that I am not taking in more calories then I burn. Calories I burn by machine workout and none machine workout. In total I need to burn more calories then I consume. I keep on telling myself that. But for me that is the hardest part. Though I am getting much better. If I have three meals, then two of those three meals are usually fruit, so that is a great start. I am not eating fast food, or any kind of junk food. So that is another good step. I would say my problem is, I beleive that I'm going over calorie count, no matter how much or how little I eat. For example if I eat something I consider to be real food, like a small sandwich for example, or a thin slice of roast beef----- I think I have gone over my calorie count for the day. I don't want to starve myself. I don't want my body going into starvation mode. I read somewhere that eating ice chips, makes your body feel as if its actually consuming real food. I personally have never gone on a full blown, ice chip diet, and to be honest I don't see myself doing that. Except for at night. But usually these days I get tired at night, so I am usually asleep. I wanted to stay on longer, but when I hit the hundred calorie mark, I just couldn't go on. I need better shoes, but these will have to do for now.

My legs are covered in bruises. Anyway, I haven't gone on the treadmill yet. So this morning, I have to get back on the treadmill. I need to workout. I need someone to tell me that I have lost weight. Starving during the day, just isn't going to cut it. It will only make my body go into starvation mode, so I've got to work out---typing is easy. I need to actually do it. So here is how it goes, if I don't go on the treadmill for twenty minutes today, then I will have to go on the treadmill for sixty minutes tomorrow morning. Sense I would rather go on for twenty minutes, I need to go on this morning.

So far I have just had some fruit. I haven't done any working out yet. But I do plan on going on the treadmill. It's best that I get it in before my shower, that way I don't have to shower twice. I'm going to go and make myself some coffee, so I can stay on the treadmill without getting too tired. I'm planning on having five cups of coffee and then going on the treadmill. Yesterday, I just two workout segments, which isn't bad, but it isn't good either. I kept on putting off going on the treadmill, till I got too tired to go on the treadmill. Admittely, I should have just had some coffee, and gone on the treadmill instead of going to sleep, but at least I am awake now. Orginally I was thinking to wait till next week to go back on the treadmill, but then, I asked myself, "Why the wait, your shoes aren't THAT bad." I mean sure they are pretty warn out, and unless I grab on to the handle bars I will lose my grip and slip and slide right off the treadmill, but they will have to work for the time being. I am hoping to go to the store soon to get some new shoes, so that I can stay longer on the treadmill, and actually run, instead of speed walking, to ensure that I am burning more calories. I want to stay on till I've burnt like five hundred or so calories, but with these shoes, at this point, the rubber will probably burn through, or so I guess, I'm not sure, but I am afraid of that happening if I stay on the treadmill for too long. Not to mention, the damage it is probably doing to my feet, considering the shoes offer no foot support what so ever. But at least it's better than working out in house slippers, that was no fun, and your feet ache for hours afterwards. Next machine, is going to be a machine that you don't need any sports shoes to be able to workout on it, like a excersie bike. I have seen a stair master, I want to try them. I have only seen them on television though, and not in real life.

For breakfast I had a little bit of rice and some yellow mellon. I plan on going on the treadmill soon, for a twenty minute session. With no breaks, I will probably do some warm up workouts before I go on the treadmill, I find that when I do that staying on the treadmill for the entire twnty minutes is much easier, than if I just go on the treadmill without my warm up workouts first. True I am not burning as many calories on the treadmill as I used to. But I have to remember that I am working out more then I used to when I would just work out on the treadmill. I am working out, before and after my treadmill session. And I am only eating in the morning. The last meal I ate yesterday was at eigh in the morning, and then I didn't have anything to eat, till a little after midnight this morning. I haven't had any of those instant noodles in a really long time. Two weeks have passed sense I last had myself a bowl of instant noodles. I'm not saying that I will never eat them again, I am sure a time will come when I will eat them, but for the time being I am saving them. For when I am waiting to stock up on more food. I am glad that when my family came over, we didn't spend the entire weekend eating fast food, in fact the only fast food, if you can actually call it fast food, was Sushi, my dad had Kudu meal. I had asked my husband to get some Cheeto's------I get weird cravings, but they were supposed to be for my sister to snack on. But then my husband didn't get them, in fact he didn't get anything on the list, and so I am hoping that he will get the things tomorrow, because by saturday, I will really need those things, and I am really going off topic here. Today's plan----Have Four cups of Green tea, Workout----for as long as it takes to complete all my repetions. I'm thinking of doing a hundred repetions of everything. and then going on the treadmill for twenty minutes----without any breaks.

I work up a sweat on the treadmill. For the sake of reserving my shoes for as long as possible, I only stayed on for twenty minutes. On the good note, I didn't take any breaks what so ever during the entire twenty minutes that I worked out on the treadmill so that's a good thing. Before that I had worked out with my weights, and afterwards I did some non weight lifting worklifting, and then I'm going to do standing workouts----off the treadmill of course. At first I was going to wait to get new shoes before I went back on the treadmill, but then I decided that I would go on the treadmill for twenty minutes so that I can warn them out and then I'll have no choice but to go and buy those shoes from City Max, and I won't be thinking, "Well I could have waited," That's what I'm thinking now. I can wait a while. At least till these shoes are no longer wearable.

Yesterday, I just had a little bit of bread, some chickpeas and egglpant with yougurt, and some salad, and fruit. This morning I've just had some grilled onions----I spend the weekends alone, so it should be fine. I didn't work out yesterday, so I'm going to make up for it today. Later I'll probably just have some more fruit. I have a yellow melon that I can slice up and have some later this morning. seven hours between meals could be a smart idea. or from four to seven hours.

8987

I need to workout. I am feeling fat and working out always helps with that. I'm hoping on starting the workout earlier today, so I can complete my whole workout session, before breakfast this morning. The workout is going to include going on the treadmill, no matter how much it hurts my feet. it will all be worth it in the end. I just go on for twenty minutes, every single day. I'm not going to obsess about the amount of calories I burn on the machine---Easier said then done. Because I have to factor in, that I'm going to be dancing, and jump roping in additon to the floor workouts, and the weight workouts.

I have written down, exactly how many repetions I am going to do of each workout--- for example I am going to do seventy repetions of floor workouts, and that includes the workouts I do while standing, like jumping jacks, running in place. The floor workouts are divided into two sections, the workouts I do while lying down, and the workouts I do while standing up. And then there's dancing, and weight lifting. Not to bulk up. But to build muscle. This morning I had two sandwiches, one cheese and one meat. And right now I'm waiting for my second cup of black coffee to cool off. I am drinking coffee to give me some engergy to workout for the amount of time that I am going to be working for. Even though my legs are still stiff from all that walking yesterday, plus working out for four hours in the morning, I am still going to workout today. My body gains weight so quickly, so I really have to step up to the workout mat everyday-----except during that time of the month-------but the other three weeks of the month, I am going to be working out, in the am, I reserve the am for working out. I realize that it is not enough for me to just workout for practically endless hours during the am, I also have to eat right. So for breakfast I'm just going to have some fruit, instead of a second serving of white starches, I need to eliminate them. That's what I need to do.

I woke up at one this morning. Did four hours of working out, and then I had some breafast. No white starches. Okay, just some French fries, (Shouldn't have had those) and then I made myself some tea to help burn the fat. and I'll most likely be doing more working out later before I go to bed, and I am hoping to get some sports shoes soon so that I can back to go on the treadmill.

I have been doing good lately. Drinking lots of tea throughout the day. Working out---except during my period. but I do clean and dust almost everyday, so I'm always keeping busy, and moving. I haven;t been eating that much, of course not to the point of starvation. The last thing I want is for my body to go into starvation mode. That will make it even more difficult for me to lose weight. One of these days I'll get to the store to get some sports shoes, so that I get back on the treadmill. in liue of the treadmill I have been doing other workouts, but not during my period, after my period, I plan on working out seven days a week. Both High (Dancing) Medium---Jumping Jacks---Running in place------ and low------workouts mixed in with weight lifting. They are only five pound weights. So they are too heavy, and they are easy for me to incorporate into my workouts. I used to want a scale, but I'm afraid that if I get a scale--- and see a number I don't like, even though it could be muslce weight, because muscle weights more than fat. I'll think that I'm fat, and I'll end up starving myself. I know myself. So it's best that I don't get a scale.

I have changed from going on the treadmill---only till I get some new shoes, because mine are to worn out. and now I'm doing other workouts, both medium impact and low impact. I've been having lots of tea and some coffee, I've read that black tea or coffee is a good for burning fat. I have no idea what my body fat percetenge is, I heard that it's more important then weight. I've incorporated weight training into my workouts to build muscle. I'm slowly, eliminating white starches from my diet, or at the very least cutting my custumtion of them.

My whole life style change isn't going that well these days. This always happens to me when I get my period, some periods aren't as bad, and I am able to get in some workouts, but this period isn't like that, and that's bad, because my blood sugar is getting really low, and so I have to eat, but then after I eat, I feel too crampy to get on the treadmill and burn off the calories, so I've decided, that I will just clean around, do something that is going to help me burning calories, without, spending a whole ton of energy---and without feeling committed to anything, at least during my period. On the plus side, I haven't made any orders, for Heavy, Fried foods, or other junk food, such, as cakes, chocolate, or cookies, or chips, even though I have been having such a bad craving for all of those foods.

This period is a lot worse than my other periods, and thus, I probably won't be able to work out on the treadmill as planned. So I will just have to get back on next week.

I only had one meal yesterday----four crackers and some cream----and that was all. I did some house cleaning, well laundry mostly, and washing up in the kitchen.

Today, dispite my period, I still plan on working out on the treadmill for three, thirty minutes----to make it a total of ninety minutes.

Instead of going on the treadmill today---my feet are killing me from yesterdays workout, I'm going to do some house--apartment cleaning, I have already started, I have a few tables, and the kitchen floor to clean----and then comes the floor in the living room, which needs to be washed, and then, comes the floor in the bedroom, and the family room, it all needs to be dusted down, it's a great way to burn calories, cause i'll be up and moving, and a great way to make the place look nice. I figure taking a day off---while remaining active-----is better than pushing myself through ninety minutes-----and then having to take the entire following week off, because of my leg. my leg by the way is doing so much better.

I went on the treadmill for a total of eighty minutes. I first started at a little after five in the morning, and then i went back on a little after eight in the morning.

I went on the treadmill for a total of seventy minutes, first I did ten minutes, and then I went on for sixty minutes, I took a break after each twenty calories that I burned, and then later, after burning ten calories. it total I lost 240 calories---according to the machine----my feet are sore, but I'm sure it was worth it, especially sense I didn't eat a whole lot for breakfast. I need to reduce the number of Ramen noodles packages that I eat---I usually have two packs in the morning---but I'm going to reduce it to one pack.
I put some water in the fridge, so that I can have cool water in the evening, because the room tempature water, doesn't quench my thirst anymore.

All what's left for me to do now, is to do my core workouts, which I plan on doing in the afternoon.

I went on the treadmill for sixty minutes yesterday, so far, I'm keeping the speed of 8.5, and just increasing the total time that I stay on, so i add an extra ten minutes everyday, so far, so good.
Today's goal is to workout for a total of seventy minutes, which i'll probably spilt into, four ten minutes, and later, three ten minutes----because i take a break every ten minutes anyway.
I'm waiting to get a proper pair of workout shoes. I beleive I have lost some weight, because my feet don't feel, or look so swollen.
This morning--I had a Coconut drink, some Cocunut, and Ramen noodles. I only eat Ramen noodles in the am, never at night. At night, I have either fruit, or vegetable, or chicken broth, sometimes just a fruit drink.
I had my supper late last night----I had it at nine forty something at night, and then I completed my sixty minute workout, at eleven, and finished----by 11:52, I'm glad I didn't go into midnight, I was afraid of that, so I made sure my breaks weren't too long.
I also had some green tea.

Yesterday, I went on the treadmill for fifty minutes---today, I'm planning on going on, for sixty minutes----I haven't gone on yet. I'll make sure to get in the sixty minutes, before eleven pm, tonight. So I'll probably do, the complete sixty minutes, this afternoon. I usually go on for ten minute intervals, sometimes, I go on for an untimed amount of time, and I'll stay on till I lose a a hundred and something calories---that takes me about thirty minutes, at 8.5 minutes, I burn forty calories, so if I go on for six times, at ten minutes, I just have to time, forty by six, anyway, I have started a new thing, I'm going to do a five hundred sit ups a day--spilt,into five times, that way, I'll be keeping active all through the day---I'll be sure to add other workouts besides the sit ups, and going on the treadmill everyday.

Truth be told I ate a lot this morning, so I have to lessen my food tonight, to make up for it. Because increasing my workouts while, increasing the food that I eat---isn't going to help me to lose weight.
And the whole point of me working out, and adding minutes on the treadmill, is to lose weight. So thus, I'm just going to have some dried figs and water for supper.

Last night, I only had juice for supper, so it's no wonder that I ate a lot this morning---well I ate more than my usual three, four, or two things. So I need to have a more satisfying supper, so that I don't go into starvation mode, and start eating whatever I can find in the fridge.
Anyway, at least, I had some green tea, which I heard helps you lose seventy percent of the fat that you have consumed.

I think I've pulled a muslce in my leg, I don't see how though, I stretched out before I did my workout this morning. I only made it through forty minutes, and I kept on having to stop and take a break. I need to get some caffine pills, something to give me energy, and then pills for my leg pain. It's funny, that I have just pulled the muscle in my left leg.
my ultimitate goal is to workout on the treadmill for a hundred minutes, I suppose, if I add ten minutes per day, to my workout---sense I'm going to be working seven days a week, eventually I'll get up to a hundred minutes.
Anyway, I lost a 150 calories, according to the machine, if I factor in my weight, I probably lost a little more than that. And then I did some housework, I know that vacuming, burns five hundred calories. I'm not sure how much housework in total burns.
I've eaten three things so far, exactly three things.
my five things a day, does not include, cakes, cookies, chips, or fast food.
even though I do get gravings for those things. But I have to remember my
ulitmate goal.

I did some workouts today, and it felt really good. I've kept up with my five day a thing, so far for two days now. So that's really good. Tomorrow I will be back on the treadmill, I think it's best I go on the morning, that way, I can gain some energy---so that I won't be sleeping all night, first I'm going to start having some coffee at midnight.

Getting better

This morning, I ddin't have any breakfast---I just had coffee and and water. Now I'm eating a tea biscuit----before I had some ramen noodles, in total I have had five food items. That's a safe number. If I can't also count the number of calories, I can at least keep my food to a minimum, without starving myself in the process. On the days I'm not fast, I can spread the five items over a five hour interval. And then with my leg feeling better, I can go back on the treadmill for a hundred minutes a day---I need to speed it up, to 8.8. Plus other workouts.

Sense I had more than seven things yesterday, and I probably went over my calorie limit----I'm going to be skipping out on breakfast, and just have water, and perhaps some coffee, which I will make in the microwave. I heard the worst thing today, "You have a big stomache, I could never eat that much." Oh my god I felt like a freaking obese person, that eats too much. I don't want to be that person. I hate that, it made me feel very bad. Just very negative, so now, I have to work out double, I need to go back on the treadmill, in edition, to jumping rope, and pilate's. Every single day.

Chicken makes my stomache sick. The last two times, I had a chicken sandwich, I got stomache cramps. So I am not going to be eating chicken. I'll go for fish, or seafood----I don't mind fish, as long as I don't have to clean it out, I'll go for the salmon, which so happens to be a superfood. Anyway, I must say goodbye to Chicken. I just don't know what to do with the rest of the chicken I have in the fridge?

I circuit trained this morning, so that felt really good, and I felt a surge of energy afterwards. So far, I've just eaten some ramen noodles for breakfast. I have no idea what I'm going to eat for supper, I ought to eat something soon. So I can do another round of workouts, sense my leg isn't hurting too much, I could do some standing workouts, like jumping jacks, running in place, lounges.

Last night I did five core workouts at a hundred repetions each, and then I did a hundred jumping jacks, as my leg was feeling a bit better, but not better enough for the treadmill just yet. but it's getting there, by Thursday, I should be able to go back on for a hundred minutes, that will be fifty minutes, each, which I beleive is doable, especially sense I take a break, twenty minutes into the workout. I'm being watchful of my calories, and I'm dumping out the rest of the mayo----because it made me sick. I'm going to switch it with mustard. Anyway, I'm going to incorporate other workouts, with a hundred repetions each. Next time I plan on circuit training. in which I go from one workout to the next workout without stopping, so i could ten repetions of one workout, go the next do another ten, and so on and so forth, till, I have reached a hundred repetions in each workout. I am tempted to get chocolate, but I don't want to ruin my progress, I haven't had any chocolate sense May, and I don't want to ruin that now, so birthday, or no birthday, I am not going to get any chocolate.
I want to go to place that serves, soup and tofu, I have been on a soup kick, broth based of course.

I would really love to go on the treadmill for a total, of 180 minutes, because I know that I would lose a lot of calories while on the treadmill, but sense my left leg hurts whenever I walk on it, or just simple stand, I am going to have to find a different way of burning calories, there's crunches, there's waist twists while lying down, this week, or until my leg is feeling better. For breakfast I only had one serving of Ramen noodles, according to the pack, I got about 374 calories, I'm thinking of having a chicken sandwhich later, without any sauce, just the chicken meat. but that will be for later.
it doesn't really matter whether i burn calories on the treadmill, or I burn it with floor workouts, which should be done during the morning hours, and the afternoon, so that way, i burn off the calories from my breakfast, and burn off any pre calories i consume, so obviously i have to burn a lot of calories, house work is good for that.
and I've got a lot of housework that needs to be done, hurt leg or no hurt leg, i can't stand having messess around me.

In all honesty, I only went on the treadmill for eighty minutues------on Saturday.
At midnight i went on the treadmill for twenty minutes, so I have eighty minutues to go, to make it a hundred minutes. I have changed my mind about the three hour, I'll work my way up to the three hours though.

sense I had around nine hundred and something calories this morning, I need to go on the treadmill for a total of three hours, so I'm going to go on for sixty minutes, three times, and then I'm just going to have a chicken broth, or i might just have water, and coffee.

This morning, I had some noodles, some cheese and bread. Last night I only had a chicken cube dissolved in water for supper.
my stomach is getting better, and my feet are feeling a lot better, so I will be going back on the treadmill to. I skipped out on the juice this morning.

I have been have stomache problems lately, nothing is staying in my stomache, which isn't good. because I end up feeling hungry and thirsty all day, and if I eat or drink, it will just intestify my stomach pain----this has been going on sense Monday---its something about fasting this year, that isn't working well for me. for some reason, my stomache is refusing to keep the food in my stomache. I think it could be the cheese I had, or I maybe I could just lessen the amount of white bread. for supper last night I just had a turkey sandwich with some juice.
And then for breakfast I had, a small pack of noodles, a cheese sandwich, and some other thing--which I forgot the name of in english---its a smashed something or another. I'm planning on going on the treadmill, but I don't know if I could stay on it. with my stomache rejecting the food that I have. anyway, so even if I could eat, I couldn't eat, and I usually break my fast late---I break it at eight---well I had some water, when they call for prayer---the first evening prayer, and then I have something to eat.
I do it like this, if I have one or more things to eat in the morning----than I have three or four things for supper. and then if I have a bad day, and have six things for breakfast---I count a sandwich, as spereate things, like the cheese is one thing, and the bread is another thing,
so anyway, I'm planning on keeping my supper very light, I'm planning on just having chicken broth, and an apple.
followed by plenty of water, and coffee.

Lately, I have just been having a total, of three things a day, at the most five things, and that's it. I sleep all day---cause I have no energy whatsoever---so as soon as my head hits my pillow, that's it I'm out, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the afternoon, disordentated, and then I go back to sleep, and then wake up a few hours later. Sense I'm fasting I can't drink a ton of coffee, and go on the treadmill for ninety minutes. I feel bad about that. I need to go on at night, it's the only solution. I need to get some caffine pills, but sense I don't have caffine pills I will have to go back to working out at midnight, or at eleven, while watching 90210.

Sense i have cut down my calories, to under a eight hundred calories a day----i don't need to go on the treaddmill for ninety minutes everyday---i can go on for ninety minutes, in total, five days a week, i increase the speed every week, so that i am sure to burn more calories. on the two days i don't work out, i clean, yesterday, i spent a good twenty minutes cleaning the kitchen floor, and then the bathroom floor, and then washed some laundry by hand, vaccumed the floor, by nine pm i was completely exhausted, probably because i hadn't eaten anything---sense midnight----i really had no appetite to eat anything, i woke up at midnight---and had something to eat and drink, and now i'm fasting, and i plan on breaking my fast on seven dates, and water, and some chicken broth soup. i'll just heat it up in the microwave. okay it may not always be under eight hundred, but if i can at least make it, under a thousand calories, especially on the days i don't work out, than that will be a good thing. i'm hoping ninety minutes on the treadmill at a speed of 8.8 will help me to lose more calories, now if i can just push myself to stay on the treadmill for the entire forty minute interval, i know i can lose more calories.

sense i don't want my body to get used to going on the treadmill ninety minutes a day i'm going to change it up a bit, so for today, i'm going to go for forty minutes----at a speed of 8.8, instead of 7.7, so that way, i'll be burnining more calories in lesser amount of time. i haven't been able to stay on the treadmill during the whole forty---sixty-----or thirty minutes----that is the most i go on the treadmill at one time---and then i'll add another thirty, sixty, or forty, repetions, i used to do ten minutes repetions, but that takes too long, and i would rather go on longer, and then i just go on for one ten minute repetion, like i did yesterday. my body must have been really tired, cause i couldn't even get through the entire ten minutes without taking a break every once in a while. i also have to do some other workouts.

I went on the treadmill for a total of ninety minutes, i went on for forty minutes in the am, and forty minutes, at night, and then ten minutes, about an hour later.
it felt good, to workout on the treadmill, i'm not letting my lack of proper workout shoes hinder me. i did that before, and i am doing that again.
i only have one meal a day---its my new thing, and for me it makes sense. some people may not agree with me on this, but they are not me.
i looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and thought to myself, i am so obese----which then got me, not to eat for most of the day----i just had a really small breakfast-----followed by working out on the treadmill. i need to get a scale, on the one hand i'm afraid to see how much i weight, i'm afraid i weight something like 189 pounds----according to how my clothes fit, i should be about 139 pounds thats how i calculate my weight. anyway, i'm not even sure if that's right though, my goal is to get down to a hundred pounds. i like even numbers, which is why i go on the treadmill, for even number intervals. i didn't have any coffee this weekend. i don't know what i'm going to do with the container of sugar i have in the kitchen, sometime the dishes i cook, require a spoon of sugar. even though, i just have one, meal, i can still have an apple later on, because apples aren't meals, and they are healthy for you. speaking of which i need to get more fruit, i used to have a ton of fruit, but i've finished it all. i hate how no one seems to understand my fear of food---how can anyone fear food, when people in africa are starving----i can't explain it, for me, my food of food stems from the fact that i know too much of it is going to make me fat. i have one meal just to give me energy to go on the treadmill, and then later if i feel sluggish i have some caffine before going on the treadmill or some fruit----never banana's----low calorie fruits only. anyway, i have been fat before, and i have been really skinny before, according to my sister----i was once scary skinny----during that time i didn't eat anything, and my mom foolishly thought everything was all better because i had something to eat that day----i only ate, cause my dad was there, and i didn't want him yelling at me----but i purged it right away. now that i spend most of my time alone, i don't have anyone bothering me to eat, or not to eat, i can eat or i can starve, and i choose for the most part to starve----because i don't want to be fat anymore----well in my eyes anyway. i am glad, that i went on the treadmill for the better part of the week, i only skipped out saturday---and sunday----and i even went on the weekend. my breaks are during the day, either after or before my workout on the treadmill. sometimes i get tempted to order out, but then i change my mind, i don't want to get fat---or fatter-----because if i didn't think i was fat, i wouldn't be taking such drastic measures to lose weight, by cutting down on my calorie consumtion and going on the treadmill for about ninety minutes everyday----no one out right has told me, that i'm obese----obese is just what i see when i myself look in the mirror. i hate when my mom constantly talks about food, i hate talking about food---i used to obesses about food, i used to just think of what i would eat, and what food i would buy , but now, i think of what time my next workout will be, and sometimes i workout earlier than i planned and sometimes for longer than orginally planned. i have become obessed with working out, moreso than with food itself, i use food for one purpose----to give me energy to be able to stay on the treadmill without getting winded. i'm looking to get caffine pills, so that i don't run out of energy so quickly. my dream is to one day look into the mirror, and see a skinny person starring back at me. i noticed that ever sense i started watching the turkish series---most of those actressess---are stick thin------i stopped obessesing so much about food and starting working out more. when i see an actual obese person, i can't help but feel sorry for them. i know logically that i'm not obese----but i don't know what happens when i peer at myself in the mirror, sometimes i don't even reconginze myself, i find myself, wondering, "who is that person, starring back at me?" at times i feel lost, completely lost.

I have only had one meal lately----which has become the norm for me these days. i had some cheese, some bread, and some juice, and thats about all i had for my meal today.
i went on my treadmill at around one am in the morning-----for forty minutes, burning 141 calories, according my machine, and i have plans to go on for another fifty minutes, before midnight.
last night i only did seventy minutes.

so far i have burned 111 calories today----i am planning to go back on for another two thirty minute sessions, in about an hour----or two--- , i haven't had anything to eat yet. i really don't know what i'll have, probably a small portion of something, either way i need to eat something, so i can have enough energy to workout on the treadmill. my feet feel a bit sore---but that's okay----i was thinking of doing, six ten intervals-----making it a total of ninety---but then i thought that going on for two thirty minute sessions will make it shorter. and how i do it is i keep focused on the tv, till i burn, till i burn the first eight calories, and then i go back to the treadmill, as long as i am focused on something else, besides how much farther i've got to go, i can make it just fine. before i used to just go on during the weekdays---but sense i eat everyday of the week---except when faster---then i eat during the evening-----i need to burn calories. so far besides, burning calories on the treadmill, i've burned calories washing dishes.
i am so tempted to order some junk food----but i am not going to.

my plan for today is to do my best and eat under eight hundred calories. go on the treadmill for as long as i can phyiscally stand---i am aiming for ninety minutes.

I feel bad that i wasn't able to get in my ninety minutes---or rather i won't be able to---because---my legs hurt too much, especially my left leg---that has a huge bruise on it. and i have no idea how it got there, i have been eating protien, but the bruise isn't getting any better, and my leg hurts when i walk. i pushed myself throught sixty minutes, when my cramps weren't so bad, but now my cramps have gotten worse, and my legs pains have gotten worse. i am not trying to make excuses, this is just the facts, i wish i could push myself---at least i am working out on a daily basis, and perhaps ninety minutes during my period is a bit much. on my period days----sixty minutes is good enough-----and ninety days during my non period days. i think that is a good idea. i feel like i've eaten too much though.

I need to go on the treadmill for ninety minutes----i can split into three thirty minutes----which is what i'm planning on doing.
i am so glad that dispite it being my period----i am working out---and i am not stuffing my face---i used to use my period as an excuse to eat whatever and whenever. but i haven't done that in a really long time.
my husband is being so supportive, so even when i ask him to get junk food---hormononal cravings----i end up purging them through extensive workouts-----he doesn't get me those things, and opts for something healthy instead.
even though i am not eating any junkfood, i am working out extensively and am hoping that one day---i will look in the mirror and like what i see, for now i don't like what i see, i don't think there ever was a time were i looked in the mirror, and like what i saw. but perhaps one day that will change.

yesterday, i burned a total of 327 calories on the treadmill, i don't know how much i actually lost, based on my height and weight.
i feel so obese right now.
and i don't want any stupid comments telling me that i must be obese. because why else would i feel obese.
well i just have one question, would an obese person, spend ninety minutes a day, working out on the treadmill? i think not, they would be sitting in front of thier television, eating junk food.
i just feel obese. i wonder if anyone can understand that feeling.

I went on my treadmill for a total of sixty minutes, I stopped every ten minutes and lost a total of 216 calories at a speed of 7.7. i wasn't going to go on the treadmill, sense i don't usually go on the treadmill during certain times of the month, but this time, i changed my mind, and decided that i would go on for an hour, so before i went on the treadmill, i had three cups of black coffee, which gave me enough energy for me to stay on the treadmill. before that i threw up, i had a tiny panic attack, where in my mind i beleived that my food was posioned---even though i am the one who prepared my food, it's crazy i know, and if i tell anyone this, they are going to think that i am crazy for thinking that, and whomever stumbles upon this blog is probably going to think that i'm crazy for thinking that. in my defense, i had just sprayed the kitchen, and even though everything was covered, i was convinced that something got onto the food, or the utentisals, even though, i checked everything out, before i actually sat down and ate, but yet, i still felt that way, and ended up throwing away the rest of the food. yesterday, was the first day, that i went into a panic attack, and made myself sick. i am very obessed with my weight, and how my body looks, i think i always look fat no matter what.