I had about four cups of Green tea so far. I am planning on having four more cups. I didn't go on the treadmill today. But I plan on going back on Saturday. I'm going to handwash, some more clothes tomorrow, and so I'll burn calories that way. I plan on just eating salad tomorrow, I made a big bowl of salad on Wendsday. I didn't do so bad for supper. I know I wasn't planning on having anything to eat, because I had chicken, and salad earlier, but then I found myself, really, hungry, and so I had myself, some Zucchini, at least I had some Green tea before hand, and I am planning on having some Green tea soon. I really need to fast one of these days. Actually I think tomorrow would be perfect, or maybe next week. Anyway, what else is there? Oh yeah, everytime my husband tells me that I've gained weight, it makes me, want to go to the kitchen, and clean out the cupboards, not by eating the food, but by giving the food away. I hate it when he tells me that I've gained weight, and then tells me not to get angry. Well what else am I supposed to feel, when someone that I love tells me that I have gained weight. I know he means well. I know that he only tells me that I've put on some weight so that I can watch what I eat. My control, which mostly invovles weight loss-----most includes, me working out ALL day long, and starving myself, for the most part. He just doesn't understand just how tiring losing weight is, and then how fastly the weight comes back on, when I decide to actually eat something. Because I have such low will power. There was a time, where I could just have coffee all day long, and not eat. I know that I can do it. I can workout like mad, starve, so that I can lose weight. So what if I potentially ruin my chances of ever having children. Why would I want to have children anyway? I would make a terrible mother. I don't know this for sure, but what's the point of working my ass off, to lose weight only to gain it, because of a baby. Not that all women who have babies end up fat. Because there are a lot of thin mothers out there, who have more then one child. But I just think that if I struggle so much with my weight now, then I'm really going to struggle after I have a baby----if I ever have a baby. Anyway, that's beyond the topic, I started writing about. Right now, I just want to lose weight. Because I just feel so fat, and then I want a scale, I don't know how much I weight. And knowing my weight, if it's high, always jump starts my weight loss efforts. Actually no I don't need a scale to jump start my weight loss efforts, I have already done that. I know I can do it. I sound like a fat ass right now. I guess that sense that's what I see when I look in the mirror then it must be true. I wish that I could feel good about my body. I wish that on the days I feel like I've lost weight, because my clothes are fitting a little loser, that someone would tell me that I've lost weight, instead of "She's fat." when I'm in the same room, or "You've gained weight, but don't get angry." Seriously how else am I supposed to react when someone tells me that I've lost weight. People say, that you can trust that you've lost weight, by the way your clothes fit you. I however, cannot believe that. Once we were visiting, I was about eighteen years old, and could easily feet into a preteen size pair of jeans, and I was told that I was fat. That made me feel so bad, because I had left the house--apartment, feeling so good about myself. Really, when I look in the mirror, I no longer see a thin person staring back at me, I see a fat person. I guess it all started from that one time, I used to beleive that I was skinny----after a long time, of beleiving in the back of my head that I was fat, and then my mom, goes, and tells me that I'm not skinny, and so from that day, I just couldn't see myself as skinny, and judging from the times, I have thought myself to be skinny and have been told otherwise, I've decided that I can no longer trust myself, when it comes to my weight. So in other words, if someone tells me that I've lost weight then it must be true, and the same thing goes if they tell me that I've gained weight. Being told that you are fat, or that you have gained weight, is the worse feeling ever. I really don't understand how I gained weight. I didn't even over eat that week. I need to start drinking green tea with Breakfast. I am hoping that weight lifting----five pound weights on a semi daily basis, will help to build muslce and thus help me, to lose weight.