I'm back to go on the treadmill, I got back to going on the treadmill on Sunday at four in the afternoon. Yesterday I went on the treadmill at seven. The difference between going on the treadmill yesterday and the day before, was that I over ate on sunday, I ate less yesterday, and today, I ate about the same as yesterday, a little less. Sense I'm not going to be having any crackers for lunch, just vegetables. My cut off time for food is four. and I don't eat anything after I work out. I didn't do any morning workouts, so I'll make up for it by doing some workouts---after the afternoon prayer.

I need to do my own food shopping, so I can get all the healthy foods that I want. It's essential that I do my own shopping, because I can find all the ingridents that I need in one place. This week I want to get back to working out everyday---safe for the weekend, I take a break on the weekend. Meaning I need to consume less calories during the weekend. Or should I keep my calorie intake the same? no that doesn't make sense to eat the same amount of calories I eat during the week when I am working out as on the weekend when I'm not working out. I don't mean that I am going to be eating while working out. I mean it doesn't make sense for me to eat the same amount of calories on the weekends as I eat in during the week. Because i'll be working out during the week, plus cleaning, and then on the weekend I'll only be cleaning, but not working out. So I will lessen my calories. I no longer eat any time of fast food, cakes, cookies, doughnuts, pizza.

tonight I am going to go on the treadmill for about twenty minutes, followed by one hundred sit ups rather crunches, and some other workouts. I did well food wise---white starches and more white starches, they are my addiction. I know I have to kick this bad habit. at least I burned some calories when I woke up, cleaning. but cleaning alone isn't going to be enough. I found this really interesting blog about weight loss, which is written by a man, who was once over weight, but then decided that he didn't want to be over weight anymore, so he changed his life style. Seriously next time I need food in the home, I am going to ask my husband if he can just drop me off in the grocery store and I will pick out my own food. Why is that men say, they want us to lose weight, and yet, they get WHITE starches? I honestly don't understand that. I don't understand that one bit.

I haven't worked out in the conventially sense of the word, but I have been moving around a lot, standing and looking out the kitchen window a lot, and cleaning, cleaning, laundry, and floor cleaning, yesterday i cleaned the bedroom floor, and did some laundry, washed the dishes---that's a given. the dishes need to be washed every single day. and did some laundry. so it's probably good that i don't do any working out on weekends as they are reserved for cleaning, and the rest of week, can be reserved for working out. I had a reasonable breakfast, some vegetable flavored crackers and some instant noodles---i figure it's best to have them in the morning. I am proud of myself, even though I stayed up till after midnight, I didn't eat anything. it probably helped that I had my supper at nine.

It has been about a week, sense I have eaten anything at midnight. if i am awake till midnight i usually just go to bed and read till i get tired. I think not eating at midnight really makes a difference. Because i am not taking in extra calories, and I tend to over eat at midnight, because I figure I have the whole day ahead of me to burn off the calories. I have a pack of Oreo cookies in the cupboard, which I shall not touch, for health reasons moreso than calorie reasons. for some reason, my body just doesn't react them to well. and I know it's the cookies and not anything else, because i did a little experiement. For the past day or so I have been starting my day, with a cup of tea. I no longer add anything with my tea, no honey, no sugar, not that I have any to start with, well except those calorie free sugars, i forgot what they are called, but i never use them anyway. i am strongly considering getting back to working out today. i know i keep on saying that. I just need to do it, right after breakfast I'm going to do some workouts, it doesn't have to be anything too intense, just something to get me back in the workout mode.

Aside from washing and cleaning up I haven't done any working out. Anyway, I did well with lunch though, because most of my lunch, consisted of fibre rich foods, which should keep me from over eating at dinner. so i think it will be just fine for me to have salad for dinner and perhaps some tuna fish, if i have any left.

I know that I shouldn't have any refined foods, but when that's all you have in the home. Aside from some lettuce and carrots, and I don't know about you, but lettuce and carrots make me hungry for real food. So I will it, but just eat less of it, and have for breakfast as opposed for supper. And then I have green tea, till lunch time, and keep active. When I go food shopping again, I will be sure to get healthy non refined things that I can eat with comfort. I am preparing to get back into work out mode. it's very difficult---but doable---for me to get myself back to workout mode. Now I don't have any excuses not to get back to working out. I don't have the excuse of not working out in the morning---after I've done everything that needs to be taken care of course. I don't have the excuse to stuff my face with chocolate. I don't have any excuse not to get up and do some workouts. A little bit of working out everyday, really does make a difference. The problem with me, is I will set a high goal for myself, and I'll keep it going for a few days but then I get bored with it, and retreat back to my old ways. So every single day, I have to do something, I don't have to go on the treadmill everyday, that can be something I do six days a week, three consective days and then I take a break and then go back on for another set of three consective days (I just need to get to that) and every morning, afternoon and evening, I do some simple workouts. That added with being careful of the amount of food that eat should make a difference.

I messed up, I completely messed up. Note to self :Stop messing up. you need to lose weight. you need to be healthy. you cannot lose weight and be healthy if you are going to mess up. I am correcting that right now by drinking four no lets make it eight cups of green tea, followed by eight cups of black tea, and some black coffee, and later, ice cold water, and five hundred legs lifts and jogging in place for the count of five hundred, and whatever other mat workout. I know that I usually wait until I have finished my period before I go back to working out, but drastic times call for drastic measures. if I don't watch out I'm going to get a double chin, and that's never attractive. I don't understand obese people think that they are attractive and call themselves curvy.

plan

This morning I had whole wheat special K and with full fat milk (it's the only kind in the home right now) and two cups of water, one cup before and one cup after. For lunch I'm planning on having some salad and I don't know what else. I'll figure it out later when I'm getting ready to have lunch. Pretty soon I'll be going back to working out. I need to be sure that I have lunch at a decent time, so that I don't end up mixing with supper. Because if I do that, I'll end up overeating. I suppose I could have another bowl of special K for supper.

It's morning according to my time, I don't know how to fix the blog timer, anyway, I haven't had anything to eat sense yesterday afternoon. I thought a bit about eating some salad, or chocoloate for dinner. I figured I messed up all ready I might as well go ahead and eat some more chocolate. But Thankfully I was just too tired to eat and brush my teeth afterwards. That I just went to bed. At around eight thirty. These nights I tend to get tired at that time. Which I supppose is a good thing because it keeps me from grazing on food at midnight, like I used to do. Which I have stopped doing. in the long run I think it will be better. I know why I ate so much yesterday, because I spent the last two days starving myself, not out of choice, but out of need. I cannot eat during the first two days of my period, the cramps are just too much. And so I just have tea, tea helps me a lot. anyway, I'll have to work off the extra calories at the end of the week.

This is just so embarassing but I have to be accountable for my eating habits. I ate too much today for lunch. I ate from twelve in the afternoon till about one in the afternoon. First I had salad---that was fine, and I should have stopped at the salad, but then I had crackers, more chocolate, and instant noodles. What was I think. Though I should cut myself some slack, due to period hormones. My husband is constanly telling me that I've gained weight right after my period. and this time its not going to be any different. Well I want it to be different, I want him to say that I've lost weight once my period hasn't finished. But at the rate I'm going it's not going to happen. So I have got to skip supper tonight, even though I am not one to skip meals, so I am just going to have salad, and that is all, and then I will do my best to do better tomorrow.

I need to stop over eating. I'm doing better. I have three meals a day and no more then that. Next is to get back into working out. I've already mentioned about this before, in a previous post so I'm not going to repeat myself. what really gets on my nerves about myself, is that I'll start something, eating healthy, and working out and then suddenly I stop I get lazy, I get into a fitness kick and then that fitness kick dies out. I need to stop getting offended if anyone calls me fat, they are just calling it as they say it. And really that's no really reason for me to get angry over someone, whomever they may be telling me that I'm fat, or that I've gained weight. On a good note, I was going to have six small spoons of chocoloate----I just want to finish it and never buy it again----baby steps. A few spoons of chocolate, isn't going to hurt anything, especially sense I only have it during my period. I need to stop trying, and saying what I'm going to do, and just do it.

Everytime I think of being lazy and giving into my cravings (after my period has ended for the month) I have to remember all of the clothes that I want to fit into, including shoes, that I am sure will fit more comfortably once I lose all this weight that I need to lose. In my opinion, I feel like I have a lot to lose. Others will tell me, "oh you look fine the way you are." and then others will say, "You could lose some weight." But they don't give me a specific amount of weight to lose. For me I don't have a specific amount of weight I want to lose. I don't have a scale (Should get one) so hence I am going by the clothes I want to fit into, starting with the blue jeans, I can't fit into any of my blue jeans, and has become a sore point for me. So everytime I get a graving for a meal from Burgerking, or any other fast food place, or graving for candy and chips, and pepsi----any kind of junk food, whether it's cheap junk food or expensive junk food, I have to remember what I really want. Do I really want to have that cheese burger, or that bag of chips, or those Gummie bears, or do I want to get closer to fitting into my blue jeans again? That's the question. I am giving up some foods to be able to fit into the clothes I have been wanting to wear for a long time. When I get back on the treadmill and back to working out. I'm not going to give up and stop working out at the first sign of tiredness, for example if I'm going to be going on the treadmill for twenty minutes every single day---after my period, and I start to feel tired ten minutes into the workout, I'm not just going to stop and call it a day. No, I'm going to push myself to complete the full twenty minutes, and then do other workouts afterwards. Logically if I'm going to be working out a total of thirty minutes every single day, and pushing myself, so that my workouts mean something, why do I want to go and sabotage all of my hard work and go and eat junk food. And even if I work out before having the junk food, which I never do. So it's best that I don't have them at all.

I notice that I always tend to over eat a day or two after my period starts and then I go back to eating normallly. I know that I should be starving, at least that's how I feel, because that's how I lost weight last time. But then I got to the point of "I can't do this anymore" I can't starve myself, be bitchy to everyone, and sleep all day long. I have things I need to do. And then to think of the damage that does to your body, so now I am working on correcting that. I'm working on getting back on track. And then staying on track. I can start out with eating healthy----during and after my period, and working out on a daily bases after my period, I like to take a break after my period. And then of course I have to remember not to eat so much, either way.

I have been doing well when it comes to eating. I am not over eating--excpet when I get my period, especially the day after, because, by the second day I'm starving, because I can't eat anything on the first day. And then I do better the following days. I still haven't gotten into the habit of working out during my period. I probably should, in the long run it will help me to lose weight. I know this, but I just like to give myself a week break during my period, and then workout, for three to four full, weeks, after my period has ended. Because sometimes the next one comes three, or sometime four weeks, and rarely after five weeks. But that is a rarety. I have a whole lot of clothes that I really want to fit into. I open my closet everyday and wish that I could fit into. It only makes me want to work harder at losing weight. And stop completely giving into any cravings for junk food that I may have.